Is it really me … or is it you?

8635216355_51c0b326bf_zWhy is it that when someone doesn’t like me or what I create, my response is to like myself less instead of liking them less? Last night, sitting on the couch with my husband watching a movie, my mind wandered and the above is what came to me.

Anthropologically it makes sense to me. We, as a species, needed to care what the tribe thought so we could all survive.

Most of us care about what other people think. I get that. Short of the few narcissists I have met in my life, it seems to plague all of us to some extent.

But I’m a logical woman and should be able to see past all of that, right? Besides our biology, it makes little sense. If you don’t like me or what I do, you aren’t my people and it shouldn’t matter. Your opinion shouldn’t matter.

As my friends know (maybe my readers too), I’m not your typical brand of normal, nor would I want or strive to be. It’s the uniqueness of the individual that I find so fascinating in life and enjoy writing into my characters as well.

So how do we go about losing the natural propensity for caring about what people (who shouldn’t matter) think of us? More importantly, how do we avoid taking it out on ourselves or seeing it as a true reflection of us?

As logical as I am, I’m equally, if not more so, emotional. I sometimes think I feel things too much or at least more than the average Jane. I can’t really complain though because I truly believe that’s what allows me to tap into the emotions of my characters. I feel what they are going through and can communicate it through the written word (or so my readers tell me).

I guess it ultimately starts with awareness, metaphorically turning on a light in a darkened room. I’m not sure it will hurt any less if I’m rejected or get a bad review, however, I’ll be way more conscious of the perpetrator. I vow to like him/her less instead of myself.

Are you with me?

Warm hugs,

Blakely

Photo by Marc Smith

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6 thoughts on “Is it really me … or is it you?

  1. I’m with you – I have a pretty thick skin when it comes to reviews, but I used to be oh so worried about what people thought of me in real life. I was supposed to be graceful and likable, no matter what I really thought about the people in question, or what stupid stuff they did. I guess it’s part of how I was raised some time in the stone age, lol.

    One day not long ago something happened that went far outside my comfort zone – someone who invited themselves to my house kicked my dog – and I blew a fuse. Afterwards, many said, “Are you sure you should talk to people that way? Now they’ll think you’re crazy. They might not like you any more.”

    I was still furious, so I said, “You know what? I don’t care.”

    The old me would have fretted over them not liking me anymore, and gone over other ways I could have reacted. This time it was about my dog, and I’d rather take someone kicking me than kicking her.

    When thinking of this event during the next few days, I was overwhelmed by Internet images saying that we choose to react to blah blah blah and it is in our power to be happy with whatever other people do, blah blah, forgiveness is golden blah blah blah. That’s true to a certain extent, but there has to be limits to the insanity. It’s not just a matter of me making other people like me, or accepting the dumb stuff other people choose to do – everyone else should put in the effort to make me like them too. The system of making others like me only works if it’s on equal ground and everyone puts in the effort. The people who hurt you, be it by writing an evil review or by being real life trolls don’t care about your opinion.

    Once I got all these pieces together I felt liberated. I just wish I had figured this out in my teens instead of in my 40s LOL.

    • Hi Maria,

      I loved your comment. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. 40s for me too and it’s still better than never!

      Warm hugs,
      Blakely

  2. I’m definitely with you!
    I feel exactly the same. I let people get to me far too much! (This is one thing I don’t like about myself)
    It makes me angry at myself for letting people get to me this me, but after a good long chat & a firm kick up the arse, I pull myself together, by telling one’s self these negative bitches are worth bugger all to me. They can keep their negativity and shove it where the sun don’t shine!!
    I think I’ll always be this way. …but I’ll always rise above it too! x

  3. I tell myself this about dating all the time. If I don’t like him or he doesn’t like me, we’re just not each other’s people. Try not to get overly upset about it and carry on — my people are out there and they can’t wait to meet me. :)

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