Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages. Although I am not an advocate of self-help books in general, I do think this one has important knowledge that can help make relationships better, especially in the case where each spouse or partner has a different love language.
The 5 Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation (which I think of as appreciation)
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch
I don’t believe we fit neatly into one category or at least I know that my husband and I don’t. So here is my list in order of importance.
Words of Affirmation would have to be my #1 and my 2 & 3 are pretty equal which are Quality Time and Physical Touch, 4th is Acts of Service and lastly Receiving Gifts. My husband’s #1 is Physical Touch and his 2 & 3 are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.
So why is any of this important to a relationship? Well I think most of the time people give the love language they want to receive instead of the love language their partner needs. For instance, if physical touch is your love language but your partner’s love language is acts of service, they will feel like they are showing you love every time they make you a cup of coffee but you are left wishing for more hugs, cuddling, and sex.
There is real value in knowing what your partner needs to feel loved. In my case my husband and I have similar needs in this regard so it makes it easier for us to get our needs met but what happens when your love languages are very different? In that case I think there is more effort involved but the knowledge can make a huge difference in the success of any relationship. When love languages differ, it can be the ultimate demise of the relationship if one or both parties don’t feel like they are getting what they need.
I’m left pondering whether a good match is when people have similar love languages. Do you think someone who craves words of affirmations can be satisfied with someone who buys gifts as their love language?
That reminds me of a boyfriend I had early on. He was amazing at buying gifts. He would buy things just because and to surprise me. I didn’t know it then, but that was clearly his love language. My love language was Words of Affirmation and the need for a deep connection. Ultimately we didn’t really match up for the long-term.
I want to add another love language to the list. For me when someone is willing to open themselves up and share their inner most thoughts, that really moves me. I would like to add a #6 and call it Deep Sharing and Vulnerability. Not sure where it would fall on my list, but it would definitely rank high.
Maybe part of the reason for affairs is about finding the right love language elsewhere, when their spouse shows love in another way. I believe we truly need our love language to be happy.
I have a friend whose love language is words of affirmation, but he himself has a hard time sharing words of appreciation with others. I find it interesting that we could need a particular love language that we ourselves don’t know how to speak.
Here is the link to more information about this topic. 5lovelanguages
I truly appreciate that my followers are loving, kind, smart, and wonderful people. Now I fully expect to hear from all those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation. 😉
Care to share your love language? I would enjoy hearing from you.