Me? A Sex Advocate?

ID-10075840My true calling is definitely being an author, but I think a close second might have been as a sex therapist. Maybe because I believe sex is such an important factor for a healthy, long-term relationship, I find myself sometimes pushing and prodding my friends to make changes, which will leave them more satisfied (in my not so humble opinion).

Since I’m sexually open, I think people tend to be honest with me about their sex lives. At that point, if I see something they themselves can do to make it better—because they are complaining—I can be pretty blatant with my advice. On several occasions, it’s really made a difference for them so it hasn’t discouraged my behavior.

In the first place, I believe only WE can make positive changes in our experiences. No one else can do that for us and that applies to all aspects of our lives. If you have a spouse that has completely lost interest in you, my advice probably won’t be much help. Nevertheless, in the many cases where I hear the relationship is truly great in all other aspects, sex can be revived.

The inspiration for this blog post came from a guy friend of mine who often complains about the lack of sex in his marriage but also states empathically that everything else is great. He also acknowledges that he is a big part of the problem, which to me means, he can also be a big part of the solution.

One of his issues is that his wife doesn’t get wet like she used to. I want to inform the male population of the world—if you don’t already know this—women’s bodies change over time and less wetness is one of the side effects of age. All those lube products out there aren’t just for anal sex. I recommended and personally prefer natural oils like olive, almond, or coconut, but each to their own. I also suggested that he go down on her first. His saliva and the clit stimulation will help juice up the situation.

I pointed out that his problem was more of a mental one than anything else, to which he agreed, so changing his mind, was up to him. Seemed like common sense to me.

I got a message for him that he went for it and it was quite enjoyable, which left me very happy because I want everyone to be sexually satisfied, even if it’s only with their own hands or toys. I believe it should be part of everyone’s overall wellness plan. It’s certainly part of mine.

I have another guy friend that gets annoyed because his wife doesn’t often initiate sex. I’ve tried to encourage him to get over it since she gets into it when he does take the chance.

When I was in my early twenties, I had a boyfriend that had very little interest in sex. I tried everything I could think of to get him excited, interested, turned on. His lack of sex drive was very disconcerting and it hurt my self-esteem. On the positive side, it taught me just how important sexual compatibility is in a relationship and I never made that mistake again in choosing a partner.

So here’s a little advice for the men and/or woman out there who want more sex with their spouse or partner … start with romance and connection. Do something sweet for them that leaves them feeling special. As the romance heats up so will the bedroom, I guarantee it.

Warm hugs,


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2 thoughts on “Me? A Sex Advocate?

  1. Blakely, I agree wholeheartedly with you that sexual satisfaction should be an part of our overall wellness plan. Unfortunately, insurance companies do not agree. Most will not pay for Viagra, Cialis, etc. And when I was given an antidepressant that left me anorgasmic (nice side effect no one told me about) and I sought out a sexual health practitioner, I discovered that my insurance company didn’t even want to pay for hormonal testing if there was any mention of sexual dysfunction. Right now, we’re fighting with them over $1,000.00 of testing. I’m happy to say my problem was resolved, but a great many people are left with the feeling that their sexual health doesn’t matter. And that’s a shame. Keep up the good work – I’m right in there with you, dispensing advice when asked and encouraging my readers to make their sex lives better because, as you said, it starts with the individual.

    • HI Deanndra!

      Thanks so much for sharing. Your support means the world to me and I totally agree with what you said.

      Warmest hugs,

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