I had an interesting conversation with a friend about disciplining children. I have always contended that violence to a child is completely unnecessary. In fact, I believe it sends the wrong message. However, I could see her point that growing up on a farm and all the dangers present there created a culture of expedient punishment.
I shared an example from a time where our daughter went through a violent stage. It makes completely no sense to me that I would hit her because she hit or bit me. What the hell would that teach? Because I’m bigger and in charge, it’s okay for me to use violence? Instead—and believe me, she gave us a run for our money between 2 ½ and 4—what I said was that she needed to learn to use her words to communicate how she was feeling and not her hands, feet or teeth (yes, she was a bitter.) I also said, “Do I hit you when I’m angry or upset?” She said, “No.” “Do I hit Daddy when I’m upset?” She said, “No.” I believe modeling is the most effective way to teach children. The motto, “Do what I say, not what I do,” is utter bullshit. We, as humans, learn by example. Fortunately for us, the violent stage past quickly.
I believe if you are connected with your children, it’s far easier to use other methods of discipline that do not include violence, because the child actually cares what you feel, and in turn you care what they feel.
When I speak about connection, I’m talking about an emotional one, but it is also energetic and it really comes down to what I am sensing. Energy. Openness. Transparency.
When someone is open with me, I can feel how they are feeling, I experience their words, interest, attention, and intention. When someone is closed I can only hear their words. I can only observe their behavior but I cannot feel the intent. We are not connected.
My experience with a lot of people is that they are closed off and I have learned that the more shut off a person is, the less comfortable I feel. I like to know where I stand with someone and that is most easily accessed for me through energy.
I don’t turn off and on like a switch. If I am open to you and connected with you, then I am. I can withdraw and be more internal at times as I think we all do, but my normal state of being is to be open to people I know and like. Even when meeting new people, if I feel comfortable, I am energetically/emotionally open with them. I know people can feel my energy, usually through my smile, because they often comment on it.
I like overt energy. For me there is great clarity in that and zero ambiguity. I also like it when people wear their emotions on their sleeve. I say, if you are upset, be upset. Don’t plaster a fake smile on your face. People can trust you better that way. No one, not anyone, who is truly in touch with themselves are happy 100% of the time. Life can be challenging.
In my latest novel Stuck In-Between, that I’m currently writing, Red if far more in tune with Jacqs moods and shifts in energy than Bond and in turn, Jacqs finds a lot of comfort in that.
What are your experiences with being connected to another person? Do you feel it energetically? Or is it more an intellectually experience you think about?
Love to read your comments.