Cunnilingus or Not?

500px-Emoticon_tongue.svgAfter a conversation with a friend, I feel compelled to write about this today. All men I have ever met think they are god’s gift to going down on a woman. My guy friends tell me this all the time. Sorry dudes but I beg to differ. Not all clits are created the same, which I know because of the fervor over the Hitachi vibrator that to me is akin to the devil. However, I’ve been with enough men to know that when they get excited, it becomes more about what they like to do than what the recipient underneath them enjoys, at least when it comes to licking the clit.

I never achieved orgasm from cunnilingus with my first boyfriend. I would never let him lick me long enough to make that happen. My second boyfriend wouldn’t let me interfere or stop him so I had my first clit licking orgasm with him. And although highly enjoyable, it’s still not my favorite way to cum.

With past lovers, I’ve said, “Slower, softer,” so many times I want to scream and not the good kind of screaming.

I think if men (or women) stop thinking they are so great at licking the vag and actually connect with the individual, they could be as great at it as they think they are.

I have often found cunnilingus to be a frustrating experience (husband withstanding) and would prefer other ways to cum. I know, it’s shocking given most woman prefer to orgasm that way or at least that’s the propaganda I hear.

Men seem to love to suck the clit and spank it. How many women out there enjoy that? If I’ve already cum a few times, then maybe. Right off the bat? Hell no.

I do understand from my past lovers, husband, and guy friends that some women need/enjoy firmer, more concentrated pressure on their clit, but we aren’t all alike.

The man (or woman) who is actually a virtuoso in the pussy-licking department recognizes that each woman is unique and he (she) can focus on her pleasure no matter how excited they get. I hope for the female population, you are out there.

My male friend, Drew Matthews, commented after reading this unfinished post: “Blakely you are dead on. The man must keep his mind on his partner first. Great sex will certainly follow for the man… But first, we men must demonstrate and prove that our partners pleasure is paramount.   Otherwise- Don’t expect to be invited for an encore next week!” (You can see why he’s my friend.)

I tend to think I’m in the minority with this topic but I did just chat with another male friend and he said his wife doesn’t like him to go down on her. Maybe I’m not the only one.

Please chime in on this post. I’m curious to know what you think.

Warm hugs,

Blakely

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21 thoughts on “Cunnilingus or Not?

  1. I’m yet to find a man that can pleasure me this way… it seems all about the man to me, It’s never about my pleasure or should I say both our pleasure!
    I actually know men that won’t go down on women but expect you to go down on them…cheeky bastards!!
    I’m not overly keen on a clip licking, but this is probably because I’ve never met a man that can make me cum ..Grrrrr!
    You never know, one day it’ll happen… and by god you’ll know about it! 😉 hehe
    Great discussion Blakely x

  2. I completely agree with you. Pleasure is a 2 way street. Women tend to take longer to please. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my husband (until the divorce is final) say things like, “I’ll get you next time. I’m glad you enjoyed it (not realizing that 2 minutes of sex with no foreplay does NOTHING for me).”

    So for our partner, focus on what we like and listen to us when we tell you want we like and don’t like. Never assume.

  3. I totally agree with all of this. My entire sex life philosophy has been firmly based on my partners pleasure. It is what i get off on anyway I love making people feel good. I have been asked if im good in bed on a number of occasions and the answer is i am experienced in bed, but good? that depends on how you are and what you like. If you are like other people I have encountered then sure, otherwise you are something new to learn, to take time to play with and that for me is why I love sex.

    I love the variety of ways women present sexually and dear god do i love going down on them. But i love it because a) I love pussy! and b) I love being in such an intimate place, totally connected with their entire body, feeling every pulse and muscle tense as I do what I do. i can feel her pleasure manifest in her body and the way it reacts to what im doing. I will stay down there happily enjoying myself for ages!

    and 2 minute sex? I try my best to keep it under two hours 😛 Im really sorry ladies that there are so many crappy guys out there. But when theres a decent one, one who puts you and your pleasure first and is lovely too, noone wants to know.

    Shame but yeah, we do exist! Just got to give us a chance!

  4. I’ll be the first to admit that my skill at cunnilingus is severely lacking. I try, but lack of experience & lack of enjoyment on my part have hampered me there.

  5. You are correct. Some make it so they seem to be drilling for gold. Some are just into their heads, ahem, they end up hurting the tender area. Who wants to walk funny for a week because of an over-enthusiastic lover? If you are lucky to find a man to love that is very aware of what he is doing, keep him. This can be a great pleasure under the right circumstances.

  6. I agree with Jake, it is about doing what she likes. I love to go down there and do what at least seems to be good for her. I don’t ask and very rarely ever get direction but go by what she seems to enjoy. If I do get direction I will do what I can to accommodate her. On the other side women do the same thing as most men. I enjoy receiving oral but if not done right there isn’t much point in it. I do still like it but don’t get much from it if not done right. The last two I was with I explained in detail what works for me and they both refused to do it as simple as it is.

    • Hey Steve,

      Thanks so much for commenting. Very sorry to hear your last two lovers wouldn’t accommodate you! That sucks and not in a good way!

      Warm hugs,
      Blakely

  7. My ex ruined it for me. He simply did not do oral. Now, he loved to lay back and let me do him, and even got to the point where he thought it was punishment for me if he didn’t let me do it, but eating pussy? No. Not gonna happen. To this day, I’m still insecure about it. Add to that the fact if done badly, it’s just miserable and most of the time I’ll pass. It’s just not my favourite. One thing I have noticed over the years, if a man tells you, at length, how good he is as licking that clit, it means he’s a lame fuck. You need to get both games going well. For me, oral is like the pre-game show, but a good solid fuck is the game. Just my take on it.

  8. In 46 years of marriage, I have not had a man orgasm yet. I even had a few affairs and didn’t. Now at 66 after my husbands death I have had one using a hitachi magic wand and someday hope to have one with a man before I die.

  9. I love it! Really love it It is almost always part of sex for us. Of course, I have been with the same man for over 30 years, so we are very comfortable with each other and what we like. My husband always wants me to get off orally or manually before penetration sex, and it helps me to orgasm again when we move to that. He doesn’t always let me return the favor because he doesn’t want to miss out on penetration. I will admit that he occasionally gets carried away. If it is too much, I just tell him.

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