She Flew the Coop

old me0001Our daughter has moved away to her university. We got her settled yesterday, with big help from my mother. I’ve been so excited for her, knowing that it’s the perfect school for our girl, I really had no clue how I would feel when she finally left. Mind you, she will probably be back for the summer and I know I will be way more panicked when she goes abroad to Japan for six months next year. However, I’m deeply— I honestly don’t know the right word. Sad doesn’t seem to quite fit. Maybe more it feels like a loss but I know it’s not. She and I are super close and she is only an hour and a half away but my heart hurts today.

I said to my husband, “I didn’t think I would feel this way.” He said, “I knew you would feel exactly this way. You’re a mom.” He apparently knows me better than I know myself.

I don’t have a co-dependent relationship with my daughter and I don’t live vicariously through her, although I love hearing her adventures. I guess what it comes down to is that I’m a mom and my baby is becoming an adult and living on her own, away from us. I want the absolute best for her in every way and now it’s solely up to her to make that happen. It’s odd to be so excited for her and experiencing loss at the same time. It’s definitely a mixed bag of feelings.

I do know we’ve done the best we could to prepare her for life. I also know part of growing up is the bumps we have to endure along the way and she will have to face hers as we all do. But today I hurt. Today I’m an emotional mess and I just want to climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head.

And the writer part of me knows these intense emotions will somehow, someday, be written into a story and it will move my readers as it is doing to me right now. After all, making our readers feel is our job as authors.

Today I give myself permission to feel all of this without all the judgment that wants to hop in.

I miss you Booboo!!

Warmest hugs to you on this next great adventure,

Mom

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25 thoughts on “She Flew the Coop

  1. After each daughter moved to college ( I have two daughters), I experience the empty nest syndrome. I missed them so much that I got a dog. One is back for a little while and the other comes and goes. I like it better this way. I can never totally let go.

  2. I wish I could give you a hug! You feel deeply because that’s the type of person you are. I’m the same way. It’s a beautiful but often painful attribute. We need more people like us, though. It might make the world stop hating so much.

  3. Definitely hugs to you and a big applause. Listening to you the last couple days is getting me more and more anxious about my baby leaving in a couple months too. We can lean in each other♡

  4. It ahppens to Dad’s also, although in my case it was me who left my children, to move to the other side of the world. It is extremely tough to be so far away and unable to be there for your child when they need you the most. They are both adults, but sometimes they just need that reassuring word……..thank God, at least, for modern communication and yes, it does enrich your well of emotional experiences, as a writer.

  5. So well said Blakely and I too miss our Boobis. Its painful and joyful at the same time. Knowing she’s in exactly the right place for her makes it easier to accept this transition. I’m excited to hear all the daily reports. Love you guys!!

  6. I have no children but a lot of dogs and I can’t even go on holidays without missing them, so I can imagine your pain. It’s an important rite of passage for parents and childresn alike. Wishing you all the Best through this time!

  7. That’s such a big deal and I can certainly relate to some of the emotion. My daughter (first child) is starting high school in September and I know already it’s going to be emotional.
    All the best to your daughter and to your family. xx

  8. I’m the baby of the family and I thought Mom would be sadder when I left for college, but I don’t know if she really was. Then again I was only an hour away and went home every couple of weeks.

  9. No, it doesn’t get easier with each one. My last sweet babe has deep claw marks into her ver soul, as I clung desperately when she decided it was her time to be on her own. We are bestest friends now but the journey was rugged for me. It started a grand exploration of my personal Amness as I climbed out of each labeled box I had climbed into or been stuffed in. I was no longer the everyday mother with motherly tasks. All that space and time alone swallowed me up and for a while I had to lose me to find me.
    My identity had been so wrapped in the grand motherly adventure that I forgot that it was a job I had performed and not the essence of who I am.
    Today I am the better for the break down and my space and time are well filled with poetry and photographs and deepening the relationships with the precious beings that came through me to have their own grand adventures.

  10. That was so beautiful! You have given her the best gift in the world, confidence! Because you believed in her and knew she can do anything, she believes the same . She is a wonderful young woman with so many great adventures ahead. I know she will reach for the stars. I can only imagine all the mixed emotions that comes along with letting your baby go. This is the begining of the rest of her life and I have a feeling you will always be right in the passenger seat enjoying in success . I love you and please keep me posted as well. Sending love and many kisses .

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