A while back my husband and I debated whether love is something that never dies or something you can fall in and out of. There are people who I have loved but no longer love. It’s my husband’s contention that I was never in love with them in the first place.
I have a less ethereal view of love. I believe love takes time and attention. If love is not nurtured over a long period of time it will wane or change. I also believe love can die or be cut out of you with painful, hurtful, or neglectful behaviors.
My husband asked me how I can be committed to anyone if I believe love can die. One, I don’t see love and commitment as the same thing and two, love that is nurtured stays alive and strong. My relationship with my husband is living proof of that.
I have heard it said, over and over, “I still love her…I’m just not ‘in love’ with her anymore.” I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean. You still care about them but you have no desire to be intimate emotionally or physically?
I think many people confuse love with New Relationship Energy (NRE), lust, and/or limerence. They each inspire all those wonderful biochemicals we get to experience in the beginning of a relationship or romance.
I don’t believe in love at first sight. To me love grows over time. However, I do believe strongly in lust at first sight. Although both Jane and Luke in My Body-His would say that they fell in love at first sight, I would have to argue that chemistry and lust consumed them both to such an extent that it felt like love to them.
I have not loved any other man in the way I love my husband. I have grown and changed over our years together as has my capacity to love. I do believe that if we stopped nurturing our connection that our love would eventually fade away or transform into a different kind of love. In the same way I believe love evolves over time, I believe love devolves without the necessary attention.
Where do you fall in this debate? Do you believe that love is everlasting? Or do you believe love has the capacity to last a lifetime but can also die out?
Please share your comments.